Look carefully at those words … Forgiving and Forgetting, now put a space after For and before ‘giving’ and ‘getting’ and you’ll see what your children often think parents are for … giving and getting! 🙂 I often say look at the word PARENTING too and separate the PA from the RENTING and that also seems to be what a lot of kids think they are doing (though without out paying for it!) They seem to think we’re their own personal Personal Assistant! 🙂
If this is the case, then we’ve only got ourselves to blame. Though I don’t like using the word blame, I’d rather say we’re the ones who have caused this, allowed it and it helps when we take responsibility for this and not get annoyed or irritated at them because of it! Whatever it is our children think we are and what we are ‘supposed’ to do for them has come from us allowing that to happen. It comes from us doing things we have done in the past and set a precedent for and it’s now taken for granted. We forget sometimes to put boundaries into place, have consequences and follow them through, or explain what we’re doing and the reason why, or just talking to our children. When we tidy their rooms, put toys away, dirty clothes in the wash bin etc., it is often quicker and seems easier in the moment, just STOP and think what it is teaching them …!
One thing that is often asked of and then expected of parents is the ‘lift’ somewhere, or “can you just run me …” I’ve done it in the past if it’s suited me and fit in with plans and I’ve wanted too 🙂 I always explain, I can as I’m going that way or Yes, I’ll do that I’d enjoy the time in the car with you and talking. I also tell them I won’t always be doing it though and suggest they make sure they leave enough time or have enough money to be able to sort it out for themselves when I’m not able to. Using the word ‘when‘ is important, it clearly states there are going to be times I won’t be doing it. It is a case of when and not if. With younger children it may be something they want you to do, butter their bread, tie their shoe laces, brush their teeth, things that probably would be quicker if we did them, this isn’t helping our kids grow to be independent, capable and self sufficient teenagers, young people. We make the rod for our own back and when it’s been there for too long it’s hard to remove! 🙂 Start as you mean to go own or your kids will think you’re always there for giving and for getting. 🙂 x